Monday, January 5, 2009

No Joke!

Q: How do you take out the trash on an ice covered driveway?
A: Very carefully! yuk, yuk, yuk.

Seriously, it's trash night and my driveway is covered in ice. Our little municipality has a few guidelines in regards to trash disposal and pick up. As a law-abiding citizen, I am strongly compelled to follow these guidelines. And there was also the one time they banned a guy in our neighborhood from trash pick up due to non-compliance--seriously!
The trash policy goes something like this:
"All pick ups are at curbside and must be out prior to 7 a.m. on the scheduled day. Trash may be placed on the curb after 7 p.m. the night before the scheduled pick up day but only after dark and only by persons in acceptable attire as is proper for the disposal of solid waste, yard waste, and recyclable waste. Containers with attached/hinged lids are not acceptable for garbage collection or yard waste. The maximum weight allowed per container is 40 pounds. One container or bag is allowed per week. Additional garbage must be tagged with a sticker."

I may or may not have elaborated on some of the policy but the truth is that it is easier to put out the night before, under the cover of darkness, while still fully clothed and properly shod.

So today as I pull in the driveway I decide that I should just get it over with and put out the trash. Normally, our weekly haul is not that significant and I can take it all in one trip. However, we've had Christmas, we've had a New Year's Day party, AND we've been cleaning out the basement--we've got LOTS of trash this week. My code compliant 32 gallon, non-lidded container was smack dab full. Perhaps even exceeding the acceptable height of protrusion "beyond the lid/rim of said container." In addition to the over-stuffed trash can, I have 2 (two) recycling bins full this week. This will require at least 2 trips. Did I mention that my driveway is ice covered? And is on a slant? I can't tell you the degree of incline but it seems steeper when ice glazed.

After surmising the situation, I decided that using the power of gravity, I'd just slide the containers down the driveway. Unable to calculate the velocity at which the full containers would travel downhill on a slick surface (that would require, like, math skills), I deducted that keeping hands on the containers and controlling the speed would be preferable to chasing the containers into the cul-de-sac. The recycle bins were first-- low and wide their area surface (see I know something about math) gave a fair amount of resistance and they travelled at a manageable rate if speed and they ended up where I wanted them. The trash can was next-- taller and with a smaller base--this presented new challenges. Once sent into forward thrust, it traveled more rapidly than the afore mentioned bins. Should I let it go, hang on to it and risk a face plant on the ice? That could have been painful or funny depending if you were the one participating or the one observing.

Good thing it was dark... nobody will ever know.

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